I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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