last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
