I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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