Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
