We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
