I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
