I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
