Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
this hospital has no fireball
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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