Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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