I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
