ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
