Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
