my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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