yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
