we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
