my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
