why im i the only drunk person in the library?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
