1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
