She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
