She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
