Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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