The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
