My hand turned me down
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
