Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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