maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
