I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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