Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i dont even know how to be here
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
