I heard we made out
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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