im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
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