why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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