I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
