The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
