ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
This house was built for laser tag.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
