No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
