Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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