shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
