i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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