i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We left an ass print on the piano.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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