I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
