this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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