I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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