So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just pynch a tree in the face
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
