Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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