he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
