Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
