An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
