fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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