like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
