I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
