meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
