There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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